by the age of 30, 81 percent of White women and 77 percent of Hispanics and Asians will marry, but that only 52 percent of Black women will marry by that age.What people don't realize is that black men tend to marry much later than others. According to the Joint Center: Data Bank (in 1990),
black men were much less likely than white men to marry for the first time between ages 25 and 29, but were somewhat more likely to marry between ages 40 and 44 and after age 45.How much of this reflects the maturity of the black man? How much does this reflect on the maturity of the black woman?
I feel it works both ways. There are so many black men out there who are afraid of commitment because they do not want to lose the aura of being a "Don", "Pimp", or a "G". Many of us waste so much time, and break so many hearts to keep an image and lack of control over lust. We never commit to women because we are waiting for the "next best thing" when in reality we sometimes lose the best thing that has ever happened to us while we were in that relationship. For so many of us it's not until we are grown and in our 40s that we realize we need to grown up and have someone special in our lives. A wife, a life partner, a best friend. By the time a lot of us finally decided to settle down, it's with someone who was convenient that will not give us too many problems in our later years.
Black women aren't married until later in life because they need to mature as well. Women all across the U.S. are looking for "ballers" and men who can "take care of them". What they do not realize is it takes time to get "baller" status. They are so quick to tell us that they "don't need a man" when they actually do want one. What are you doing for yourself ladies? Are you a strong independent woman or are you looking for someone to take care of you? You need to be both. Sometimes men need to be saved from themselves. We need a woman who is going to show us that she is going to be everything we need in a partner. If she is going to spend every day and night trying to prove she doesn't need a man then we will go some place we are needed. Also, if you are going to be the woman who doesn’t want to do anything for yourself, and want the man to break his neck and back to get you everything you want, he will go somewhere else for relief.
In summary, we all need to open our eyes and grow up a little faster. The majority of us have come from single family homes and marriage isn't on our minds. Men we need to be there for our children. We all know how hard it was without having our fathers there so why are we inflicting the same pain on our kids? Women you need to show some support for your man and do what it takes to keep him. This world is already hard for us so the last thing we need is to have a hard day and then have to come home fighting the person who is supposed to make life happier for us. We all know what it was like to go to an event with only one parent (or no parent) in the stands while other kids had both. Black people let's forget about this “image” and start thinking about the future of our youth. ~ J Mel
It's interesting that black men are the youngest men to have kids but the oldest men to get married. Maybe if you guys concentrate on closing that gap the black woman's marriage percentage will go up. "If you like it then you should've put a cover on it." Most of them end of marrying one of their baby's mommas anyway so go ahead and do it while the kids are young instead of waiting for the next best thing that never comes because you already have it.
ReplyDeleteIt is sad to know that our black women are not marrying at the same rate as their white, hispanic and asian counterparts. I know that there are many causes can be debated on this subject and that would make for a lengthy response. But what I will say concerning black men is this...we need to start focusing on who we are and more importantly whose we are. Fortunately the original plan was for men to hold a certain place in this world. God's plan is for us to lead and provide. Now I know that for some of us, as J indicates, were from single parent homes which were most often headed by single moms. Although this was our beginning it doesn't have to be our end.
ReplyDeleteWe as black men need to stop allowing how we started determine how we continue and ultimately finish. We need to take responsibility for our actions. We need to take care of our responsibilities. We need to be men, real men. And that starts with learning to love ourselves. The way this happens is to open and read your Bible. God is love and when you start to learn who He is and his plan for your life you can begin to love yourself in a whole new way. Only when you love yourself can you begin to learn to love others. Then we need to love our women. We need to respect our women. Every single one of them no matter what they do we need to respect them. It is our God given responsibility to treat them delicately. I know some may say that there are women who do not deserve respect but that is deception by the enemy. God created women as a compliment to man. That's the true and that's what I believe in. That's why I can say that "all" women deserve our respect.
It is time for black men and I mean real black men to take back our proper role. This will take time, commitment and determination. Since everything is so out of wack it will not be easy but a real man will be up to the challenge. That's why I instruct above to open and read your Bible. When it gets tough and it will, go in your secret place and pray, God can and will give you the strength to be victorious...
I agree 100% with J and Iceman. To add to that, our kids' role models should be the parents first and foremost and not stars. Yes we can respect the sports stars and celebrities for their work but not necessarily for their lives because we don't know them personally. We shouldn't put anyone on a pedestal because we are all human and we all fall short. Everyone is human and I hate it when I see someone being slammed for being human, flawed.
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